Wise Aging

Inside you, boy,
There’s an old man sleepin’,
Dreamin’ waitin’ for his chance.
Shel Silverstein, “The Folks Inside”

Avraham demanded aging… The Holy One of Blessing said to him: “As you live, you have demanded a good thing, and it will begin with you.”Rabbi Yehuda bar Simon, Bereishit Rabbah 65:9

Now Avraham was old, advanced in days (ba bayamim),and God had blessed Avraham in everything.Bereishit/Genesis 24:1

Avraham occupies a unique position in Jewish history, as the very first Jew (along with his wife Sarah). According to the midrash, he is also the very first person to become old! What the midrash goes on to explain, however, is that people had been getting old since, well, the beginning of time, but people’s appearances didn’t change. Visitors would confuse father and son, daughter and mother, because they weren’t visibly generationally distinct. (This would pose all sorts of interesting problems for “young adult” or “senior” groups today!) 

What Avraham demands from God is that he not only be old, but that he alsolook old. “Gray hair is a crown of glory” (Proverbs 16:31). So Avraham is the first person to go gray, and therefore to gain the dignity and distinction of being an elder. 

What sets this midrash in motion is the doubled phrasing in the Torah: Avraham was (1) old; and (2) advanced in days. We don’t need both phrases to get the idea, and so the midrash clarifies that he was old both in duration of time and in appearance, and that he desired this. 

The 18th century Chassidic master Rebbe Nachman goes in a different direction (Likutei Moharan, Part II 59:1:3). The phrase “advanced in days” in Hebrew reads ba bayamim, literally “coming in the days”. Another close English idiom is “getting up in years”, but Nachman takes the phrase literally as capturing the active energy of Avraham as he moves day by day through his life. 

“Avraham reached his level through the days for he recognized his Maker at the age of three (Talmud Bavli, Nedarim 32a) and progressed constantly, from level to level.”

In other words, Avraham’s age is a reflection of his spiritual development. He has used his days well, pursuing opportunities to clarify his understanding of the world, God, and self so that he can act righteously. 

The poet Mary Oliver captures a version of this energy in her poem “Halleluiah”:

Everyone should be born into this world happyand loving everything.
But in truth it rarely works that way.
For myself, I have spent my life clamoring toward it.
Halleluiah, anyway I’m not where I started!

Avraham is the epitome of a spiritual savant whose every day brings him closer to God. Mary Oliver reminds us that even when we clamor towards a happy, loving, holy life we cannot skip steps and we must grow in these qualities, day by day, even if not quite at the pace of Avraham our ancestor.

But Nachman uses Avraham’s excellent example not as an aspiration, but rather as a caution:

“Such a person suffers loss as a result of acting quickly. For when he is very quick and quickly runs from mitzvah to mitzvah, he thereby loses the element of holiness, that which is between mitzvah and mitzvah. On account of this quickness he bypasses and skips over this element. This is because the mitzvah itself is coming toward him, since it is being pulled and dragged in his direction by the first mitzvah, which drags the second one. Thus, when he also runs quickly toward the mitzvah, he might skip over and bypass the aforementioned element—i.e., that which is between the mitzvot. He is therefore one who acts quickly and suffers loss. But if he waits a bit, he can in the meantime attain also the element between the mitzvot, as mentioned above.”

Nachman’s kabbalistic ideas are dense and I confess I don’t fully understand what he is getting at in his theory of mitzvot, but I was struck by his insistence that a certain speedy spiritual striving can actually end up missing something really important - the space between the mitzvot. According to Nachman, in between each good and important deed we do, there’s an additional element of holiness that we only encounter if we move a little slower. There’s a cadence to how we strive to good in the world. With each outbreath of activity, we also need an inbreath of pause. Perhaps, even in a life saturated with sacred action, we need the lull in which we can return to intention, consider alternatives, make conscious choices, and only then do the next right thing. Even Avraham may have aged prematurely through constantly seeking the next mitzvah without pause!

There will be many opportunities to pursue mitzvot - through Jewish practice, community activities, and in building a kind and just society. When you find yourself in a between-space, remember that is holy too. Wishing you a warm and well-lit Shabbat.

Shabbat shalom!

Rabbi Jay LeVine