Dreams and Vulnerability – A Message from Avital

This week’s parsha, Vayeshev, begins the epic telling of the life of Joseph. He is born into a complicated family, with his father Jacob’s legacy of favoritism, jealousy, and general toxicity. During the course of the parasha, we learn about Joseph’s famous multi-colored coat, his ever-problematic and harmful siblings, and finally, his forced exile to Egypt, where this chapter ends with his imprisonment at the hands of Pharaoh. 

Joseph’s relationship with his brothers is hostile at best -- he is clearly the favorite of the children, and he dreams of allegories where he is ruling over his family, much to the annoyance of his brothers. His brothers, overwhelmed by hatred, plot to kill Joseph, and eventually sell him to passing Midianites in the desert. This is the beginning of Joseph’s journey that culminates in his role as leader of Egypt, and the start of the Jewish people’s era in Egypt (sorry, spoiler alert!). 

In re-reading the parasha this year, I found myself curious about the power that dreams hold in this story. Without Joseph telling his brothers of his dreams over and over again, they might not have loathed him so. Without Joseph’s interpretations of the dreams of his fellow prisoners later in the story in Egypt, the chain of events that would eventually allow Joseph to be freed and rise to power in Egypt would not have happened. Dreams are found at key moments in this story, and are a driving force in many of the characters' actions. 

One might argue that at its core, dreaming is one of the most human things that we do. It’s a mighty interesting phenomenon, where our brain activity during sleep causes us to experience almost-life-like movies within our own minds, with our lives serving as the main backdrop. Even if folks don’t remember their dreams the morning after, it’s largely believed that we all do indeed experience dreams. Everyone dreams – so why are Joseph’s dreams so special? Why do his dreams in particular hold so much power?

The power of Joseph’s dreams lies in his saying them out loud. He elevates a common experience by sharing it with others. Many, if not all of us, know how vulnerable our dreams might be. They hold our deepest memories, our deepest feelings, and they have the capacity to unveil truths that we might not even know we hold. In the act of sharing his dreams, Joseph pulls back the curtain on this human experience and shares his own truths. We know that these truths, in fact, were not socially palatable, as they revealed an unappealing opinion that he holds - that he believes he is rightfully meant to lead his brothers.

Human commonality is at the core of relationships. We make friends, find community, and relate to people based on how similar we deem ourselves to be. And, we discover our commonalities through the act of storytelling. Without the impulse to tell stories about ourselves, we would not and could not make genuine connections and form deep relationships. I believe that Joseph’s retelling of his dreams was a radical form of relationship-building. Not only did he instigate relationship-building by sharing his dreams with his brothers, but in doing so he also revealed a controversial belief. He exposed a deeply vulnerable and controversial stance in two different dreams, not once, but twice!  He opened the door to an awkward conversation with his brothers, arguably as a way to find further commonalities and shared human experiences, and was swiftly shut down. 

In understanding this, I realized that the brothers’ harm of Joseph started long before they sold him into slavery. It began the moment they chose not to engage with him, and at the moment they became unwilling to participate in building a relationship with their challenging brother. As a passionate practitioner of relational-based engagement, I believe in the power of relationships, especially in the face of strife and disagreement. I believe in the power of curiosity, in being faced with uncomfortable facts or opinions and probing deeper rather than facing the other way. 

Joseph’s continuous attempts to be relatable and relational were not successful. Indeed, many of us read this story and can only see how blatantly degrading Joseph is towards his brothers. But If we see his act of sharing his dreams as an attempt to build deeper relationships with his brothers, it may very well sadden us to think about him as someone simply trying to find and deepen community within his family, and not being given a chance to do so.  

I hope that Joseph can be an example for each of us. To use vulnerability as a tool to build relationships. To share our dreams more willingly with one another. To recognize the human experience that connects each of us, and to empathize with each other even when it feels like it’s impossible. And, I hope that when we do feel called to share our truths, we do so intentionally and thoughtfully. 

Shabbat Shalom,

Avital Krifcher, Director of Community Engagement