Concerning Communication
As the book of Genesis winds to a close, so does the life of Jacob. On his deathbed, he assembles his twelve sons for some final words. It is a moment of poignance - and prophecy?
“And Jacob called his sons and said, ‘Come together that I may tell you what is to befall you in days to come’” (Genesis 49:1).
As his children gather round, Jacob seeks to impart wisdom. He has lived many years, and learned many lessons (and failed to learn some, as well). And yet, what he tells us he is about to do isn’t any ordinary transmission of life lessons, but nothing less than prophecy. “Come together that I may tell you what is to befall you in days to come (acharit hayamim).” As if, as he approaches the crack in the world between life and death, Jacob can see more clearly than the rest of us.
However, he proceeds to offer some strange, dense poetic verses to each son. Rashi explains: He wished to reveal to them the end of Israel’s exile but the Shechinah departed from him and he began to speak of other things (based on Genesis Rabbah 98:2).
Jacob saw the future, but words failed him right as he tried to communicate. I have certainly felt the frustration of seeing something in my mind’s eye and simply being unable to capture it well in words. The most important things, like love, care, appreciation, hurt, and sadness, have so many words devoted to them over centuries and centuries, and yet so often still feel inexpressible in their deepest sense. They are simply too vast to live fully inside little letters.
Another commentator, the Ba’al HaTurim, offers a seemingly silly commentary on what happened to Jacob’s intention to communicate what he saw of acharit hayamim, the final days to come (another rendering of the Hebrew phrase):
Jacob asked, "Perhaps there is sin (cheit) among you?" They said, "No, if you examine our names, you will not find the letters chet or tet in them. Then he said unto them, "Arise, there is also no kuf or tzaddi letters (ketz - end) in them [either].
In other words, even if Jacob could have found the words to describe the future, they didn’t have within themselves the capacity to hear or process them. Perhaps you too have had a moment where you had exactly the right words, but the wrong listeners. To feel like if someone could only grasp what you were saying, they might have crucial information to live better into the future.
Even as Genesis concludes with as close to a happy resolution as the Torah gives us, cracks in communication remain. All of Jacob’s sons are together, in stark contrast to every previous generation. But once Jacob dies, Joseph’s brothers worry that Joseph still bears a grudge against them (Genesis 50:15). Joseph tries to reassure them, speaking upon their heart (Genesis 50:21). We never hear from the brothers again, so we can only speculate that they were in fact reassured.
How often have we “apologized”, “explained”, “reassured”, etc. without checking to make sure our words have actually been received that way? George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
So we have three models of communication breakdown - (1) when the speaker can’t put into words what they are thinking, (2) when listeners can’t or won’t receive what they are hearing, and (3) when it appears as if communication has happened but in fact it actually hasn’t gone as intended.
In this new year of 2023, I have no prophecies, only a hopeful blessing: May each being find ease in expressing what they need to. May each being listen attentively and wisely to messages coming their way. May all of us lovingly keep seeking mutual understanding with everyone we are in relationship with. A world with kinder, clearer communication would be a step closer to the future I imagine Jacob hoped for us.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Jay LeVine
