Silence, Julie Kohl

In Mussar, the soul trait of silence is called sh’mirat ha’lashon, which is literally translated as “guarding the tongue.” The Jewish tradition recognizes the power of speech, to be both creative and destructive.The world was created by divine speech. On the other hand, speech has the ability to spread harm. Gossip, or Lashon ha’rah, (literally evil speech) is prohibited, even if the information being conveyed is true. The classic Jewish folktale about the impossibility of recollecting all the feathers scattered from a pillow is a metaphor for the spread of gossip.

Another aspect of this soul trait is the value of contemplative silence. I experienced the power of  silence through attendance at a number of Jewish silent retreats. This may seem like an oxymoron because Jews love to talk. Actually, removing  the distractions of interacting with others gave me space to spend time with myself and my own mind. Eating in silence is an amazing opportunity to slow down and pay attention to food, using sight, smell, and taste, to really feel the sensations in my mouth and my body.

I now have an (almost) daily meditation practice, sitting in silence. It is an opportunity to observe and get curious about the working of mind. While preparing for the High Holidays, I spent the month of Elul meditating on Psalm 27. I wrote this interpretation of the Psalm, about the struggles and fruits of my meditation practice. 

Love is my beacon and my intention

So why do I feel afraid?

I am held in a divine embrace

Yet I feel terrified.

So many doubts, and struggles.

Both internal and external,

I stumble and fall, 

Forgetting again and again.

That regardless of my difficulties,

There are other options besides fear.

Even though I struggle, 

I can trust in truth and compassion.

If I had only one desire,

It would be to dwell in a state of awareness.

To be awake to the truth

That I am ok in the present moment.

I always have a place of refuge,

Solid as a rock,

Sitting in meditation,

Open to the truth of the present moment.

From a vantage point of awareness,

I can see many alternatives.

I am so grateful,

I am full of praise.

Soon, I am in that familiar place of constriction again,

Grasping at the pleasant,

And trying to avoid the unpleasant

I seek awareness,

Face to face,

A relationship.

Yet, I dwell in delusion,

Feeling abandoned, alone

Straining to maintain connection with others,

Unaware of the unity of all.

Show me the way,

To avoid being trapped by the stories of my discursive mind.

My adversaries,

The inner critic, self doubt, comparing mind, 

Torment me

I yearn to find the place of refuge,

the divine spark in myself,

and connect the divinity in others.

I wait, 

Praying for a strong heart and good amount of courage,

To remain hopeful,

While I wait.